Beginning

Here we are, already at Ash Wednesday, the start of the Lenten Journey.  Once again, I am reactivating my Lenten goal of last year, to blog every day.  I did not achieve this goal last year, but thank you God for new starts, because I can try again.  Reading this will not be for the faint of heart, or people that don’t like to read other people’s emotions.  While I am publically posting this, my primary goal will to be honest with myself and the jumbled mess of emotions that I am.  I do it publically, in case someone wants to understand me, but mostly it’s for me.  To be able to look back and see where God has been in the jumbled emotions that I call my life, because I know that God is in the thick of these emotions.

My journey of the last year has been eventful, to say the least. As I write today, I am sitting in Christensen Center at Augsburg College, as a student!!  This was not really on my radar last year, but has become a reality.  I am grateful to be here, but at the same time it’s terrifying.  As I start this Lenten journey, there are so many feelings of inadequacy and fear.  I am not doing as well as I want to in my classes this term, so this means that while it would be easy to give up, and settle for passing rather than excelling, I will keep on and bring things to the level that I want to them to be at.  It would be easy to blame my commute, and the energy that it takes, but if I am to be realistic, I need to learn how to adjust, I can do it!

There is also the feeling of entering the Lenten journey with a lot of myself on the line.  My application has been turned into Luther Seminary, as has my scholarship application.  At this point, the thought of seminary, the cost, the work and the question “Will I be admitted” is scary and overwhelming.  So, I need to stop and remind myself that I am in God’s grip, and that sure grip never fails.  What God wants for me will happen. 

As I said earlier, this journey and this blog will be messy.  It always is, when real emotions are involved.  I believe that God gives us our faith journeys to grow, so I will grow.  In many ways, I feel as if I am coming out of a long, dry winter, so I walk dusty.  That theme is one that is being promoted by Old Lutheran Sales, but it really fits my life.  God will send the showers to settle the dust in my life and promote the new growth of spring.  I just need to trust.   #WalkDusty